Cultural Exchange in the Bedroom Upstairs
I'm putting au pairs and exchange students together for this post because our root motivation for hosting an exchange student and for welcoming an au pair are similar. We have done both at different times depending on our family situation.
We love to travel. Learning about other places, other cultures, and experiencing the many pages of life enrich your life through experience, perspective and learning. BUT - have you traveled with three kids under 8? I have. It's not for the faint of heart and it can definitely be exhausting. So while they are little and traveling internationally is more difficult, we have opened our minds to a broader definition of what it means to travel. At its core for us, travel is about opening your mind to people and places different from home. And we’ve learned that you can do that right in your own home, without ever leaving.
Here are the top seven reasons that getting an au pair or exchange student are awesome:
True relationships take time to develop. As you live together for six months to a year, you get to know each other in a way that is really different than a casual conversation. We learned that our exchange student from the Netherlands loved to drink buttermilk at home. We experienced some pasta carbonara prepared by an Italian in our kitchen. We went to a German Christmas market in Austin. Although all relationships have challenging moments and frustrations, the way you get to know someone through little day to day interactions is so much more meaningful than visiting a cultural festival.
Welcoming a new person into your home gives your children (and you) a chance to grow in hospitality, empathy and kindness. We spent time talking to our kids about how the au pair or the exchange student might be feeling and asking them to imagine what it would feel like to move to a brand new place where people didn't speak your language.
Lifetime relationships. We can't speak to this right now since it's only been a few years, but I hope that this will be true. I studied abroad in France, and my host family had been hosting students for over twenty years. They had attended weddings of former students and maintained relationships over that time. I hope that my girls will grow up with a friendly face in many countries to welcome them when and if they get a chance to visit. The young women we have welcomed into our home can be big sisters in a way that we can't as parents, and might someday become sounding boards as they get older.
The food. Did I mention the carbonara? The gingerbread? The chocolate? As someone who loves to eat and cook, getting a first hand look at how someone from another country chooses to eat is endlessly fascinating and frankly delicious. Our exchange student loved natural peanut butter -- it wasn't something she could get at home. I bought so much peanut butter that year!
The playtime. I am a big believer that my kids need to experience a variety of people, who insert a variety of backgrounds, ages and personalities into their developing social skills. Learning to build relationships and get along with all kinds of people is an awesome skill. As I watch our au pair patiently play The Game of Life (again!) or hide and seek, and interact in a way that is different from what I would do, I am reminded that these moments teach so much in ways I cannot do myself, because I can only bring myself to our relationship. Our exchange student would spend a lot of time playing with the girls too, and their bond was something really special. Plus while they play I can cook dinner. Mom life.
The inspiration to get out there and explore. Because of our exchange student, we went to the rodeo in Llano, which actually was fun for all of us. Because of our au pair, we went to the German Market in Austin, which was a festive experience we wouldn't have had without her. In small ways, it reminds me to get out and do stuff, to explore Austin and the surrounding area and to appreciate what is unique and special right here at home. And being happy where you are is pretty great.
The power of opening up. You can read everywhere about how people are more isolated, behind screens and further from family than at any other point in history. Loneliness and isolation are rampant. Well, this is an antidote to that. You are welcoming another person face to face. When you open yourself and your home, you allow joy, chaos, fun, laughter, light and challenges in. And through the process of being open, you will find more of yourself and more of the world. You are modeling openness to your family.
We have participated as a host family with exchange students and with au pairs because we find that it aligns with our family values of respecting differences, openness, and kindness. Modeling by participating in these programs has offered us an easy way to show our kids what we mean by learning about other cultures in way beyond books, videos, projects or local festivals.
Plus, it's been fun and interesting.