Just maybe.

As the end of the year approaches, we are beginning to discuss plans for next year. Should we plan a camping trip over Easter weekend? My mom and I have a tradition of going to Round Top (huge antique fair in Texas) every year around my birthday together - would we feel safe going in April? What about a cruise in December? I keep putting off answering these questions, pushing them aside to focus on Christmas preparations, work and today.

I’m struggling with just an internal resistance to saying yes to anything. This year has cancelled so many plans. I just don’t want to get my hopes up. I’m tired of being let down. I want to just not make plans so I don’t have to be disappointed. But of course, that’s not really a great way to live. I want to have hope for the future, fun things to look forward to, and believe that it will be better than today.

And also, I’ve found a lot more joy spending more time at home. So how can I carry that into a post-pandemic world? I am not convinced that even if I am allowed to and it is safe to do so, I want to go as much as we did before the pandemic. Ah, again, the humor of starting a travel blog in 2020. Just laugh at me now. The year I don’t travel, then decide I don’t even like travel. Well, not quite as much as I thought. Or at least find that I like home a lot more than I thought. Like, we have a media room. We literally NEVER used it before the pandemic. Now we spend time in it every day, playing trains with Theo, playing Just Dance on the Switch as a family, doing workouts through streaming the Peloton app to the Apple TV. Turns out, great room, something for everyone in the family in there, as long as we are home enough to have time to enjoy it.

I’m trying to convince myself that I do want to make plans. It’s okay to make them. I can cancel. I’ve done it before (Mexico City, Belize, Thanksgiving, and on and on and on). Also, I do love to travel. I think. I mean, I can’t remember really what it feels like, but yeah, I think I used to like it a lot. I love to look forward to future joys (Tommy loves surprises, but I love plans).

Logically, I think the camping trip is a great idea. It’s outside, in nature. Just hiking and eating junk food. I’m hoping that this hilarious comedian and mom who cooks will actually write her camping cookbook, because I never know what to make and I can’t wait to have a plan. (You should check out nottheworstmom on instagram). She’s funny and loves to cook for camping trips.

I’m less certain about Round Top because I just don’t trust people to take appropriate precautions (like masks). I love the trip with my mom, and it’s such a fun tradition that lets us to get to reconnect without the kids around. So maybe even if we don’t go to Round Top, we could do Fredericksburg or just an Air BNB somewhere.

And a cruise - only if we are actually out of this nonsense. I definitely do not want to be quarantined on a cruise ship - that sounds like actual hell. Even if it is Disney. I don’t think even Disney’s magic could fix a cruise ship quarantine or Covid-outbreak. We’ve been talking for a couple of years about doing a Disney cruise in December of 2021 because that’s when Theo will be three, so he can go to the kids club and really get the full experience. (Under two and they have to go to the nursery, which isn’t nearly as fun as the kids club. We made that mistake on our first Disney cruise with Ruthie. Learn from us. Wait until your youngest kid is THREE!).

What about Spring Break? Will we be ready to travel by then? It’s possible we would have gotten vaccines, maybe, as essential workers. But who knows? Where would we go? Should we just go to Telluride and ski? But then what do we do with Theo? He’s only two, too young to ski, so someone has to stay with him, with not a lot to do. Too uncertain - just wait.

Summer is a total mystery for me. Should I send the kids to camp? We were planning to send them this summer, but now, I’m not sure. Will we want to take a vacation? What kind - a road trip? When will it feel safe to fly? When will be allowed to go to other countries again? I just want to wait.

I just don’t know.

I just want to put my head in the sand and wait. Be here today, each day, until it’s safer OUT THERE.

How are you doing? Are you making plans? Just waiting it out?