Tears by the Campfire

There is something really tender somehow about sitting around a campfire in the woods with people you love. It’s dark, and quiet, and makes you want to share. And if you are me, sitting around the campfire is also punctuated with periodically yelling at your kids to stop doing something.

We spent the last weekend camping at Garner State Park. It was my first time there, and really my first time in that part of Texas. In my mind, once you head West from Austin or Dallas, it turns to Desert pretty quickly. But apparently, around the Frio River, there are changing leaves on the trees, hills, and it just doesn’t feel like the desert at all.

Tommy and I had no phone service at all at Garner (if you have Verizon, you won’t either), so we were dependent on our friends for election updates. Not being able to check anything myself was freeing - no need to refresh, to read this article predicting this, or anything. Just look around. Enjoy the trees. Read my book. Watch the birds and the very fat squirrels. Keep the baby from eating ashes, or climbing in the fire pit. So relaxing.

But our friends did have cell coverage, and they would update us when news happened, or when the vote counts changed. And finally, Saturday, one of them announced in the middle of a hike that the AP had called the election for Biden/Harris. It seemed to be trending that way, but hearing that they had called it felt like a weight lifted. And finally.

We finished our hike, feeling elated. It felt like there was light back in the world, and a vision for our future as a country that includes everyone, and believes in the version of the American Dream where we value decency and respect for others.

I don’t know much about Kamala Harris, if I’m honest. She is from California. She’s mixed race. She’s a woman. She’s a senator. She was a prosecutor. I didn’t vote for her in the primary. On Saturday, I was happy that the Democratic ticket won, but mainly because it’s the outcome I prefer and I strongly dislike the alternative. Been there, done that, ready to move on. It occurred to me that maybe I should try to get to know her better, learn more about her, now.

One of my friends was streaming the speeches on Saturday night, and while waiting for them to come out, I was restless, wishing we could just focus on the fire pit and the camping experience instead of watching tv. Finally, Kamala came out in her beautiful white pantsuit.

I watched her speech. And it made me cry, as she talked about the little girls watching her, about her mom’s advice for her. I’m certain I’ll never forget that moment, of seeing a woman finally move into power in the executive branch. I’m certain I won't agree with everything she does, but I am intensely grateful that she will have the chance to serve. I think it’s impossible to gauge the impact of representation, and especially as the mother of daughters, to see a woman, a strong, beautiful woman, in a position of power and prominence. She was strong, she was inclusive, she was humble, she was grateful. She spoke like a leader, and with the kind of empathy that makes a person a better leader, not a weaker one.

I’m grateful that in my lifetime, I’ve watched the definition of leadership evolve and begin to value empathy and inclusivity more, and today I and my daughters can see more women represented in higher levels of government and business. I’m sure it’s not an accident that after my first job in finance, which was a pretty intense, male-dominated world where sexual harassment was frequent and treated as normal, I left that world. From that point, I chose careers where my leadership style, and the fact that I’m a woman, are more accepted and respected (senior care and now child care), and I’ve found success and joy in my work and don’t regret the choice. But I hold hope for a time where my children can seek careers in any field and can find that women can lead, and succeed, without having to fit the stereotype of leadership created by having male leaders for hundreds of years. Diversity, including of gender, brings us better leadership. And for that, I’m grateful to see Kamala Harris in this new role, bringing herself and all that she has learned and experienced, and I hope she is herself, true to her own experiences and values as she serves our country.

Each of us around the fire felt uplifted by the Biden/Harris victory and especially by hearing them give speeches centered on healing. I think we all feel bruised by the conflict and the hate, the movement away from each other, the lack of understanding of each other’s values and ideals, and the ability to find truth in each other. Leadership matters, and representation matters, and I know I felt a little humbled by the gloating and the glee (both our own and the social media world’s) over the election when I listened to Kamala and to Joe talk about healing, giving each other a chance, and working together for a better future. Our evening was joyful, but kind. The fire burned away, and in the quiet darkness, we waited for our new dawn.

PS-

And just when I thought she was done making me cry, there was one more thing about her that made me cry on Sunday after we got home and I got my phone online again. I didn’t know much about her, and I knew even less about her husband or family life. I saw a mean Facebook comment about her about how she is a home-wrecker and cheater, which made me wonder if there was any truth to it. So I started trying to learn more about her family. And what I learned made me cry all over again. Her husband is supportive, putting his career on hold, taking a leave of absence from his law firm to support her. Their relationship seems to be a celebration of the kind of equality and support for each other that I aspire to and want for myself and for my children someday. Where you can love your partner enough to let them shine, to find joy in their light, and to take turns being the sparkler. It’s just an awesome backstory for the first woman to be Vice President.